i could write it better than you ever felt it

I'm using this fantastic note program, Evernote. Initially I was only using it as a 'language log' because Koichi encouraged all his readers to make a little journal for it to track what they've learned and how far they've come and the like. But I started using it as a normal diary and to write down my dreams too and to write any other random things I want to save, too, because it's really fantastic and well-organized. o.o You can search the content of all your notes, and you can also add tags and divide documents into different categories. It's got the functionality of a basic word-processing program, and everything can be synced online so I can easily access it on my iPod too should I ever want to, and best of all, I can actually change the date on which I made notes. I appreciate that so so much, and since that's possible I've made a personal project of taking my old diary entries and blogs and sticking them in here because it seems like it'd be really useful to see all my journally things in one organized place like this.

Let me just say: I love this so fucking much.

It's so uninteresting in retrospect, though. It's one of those things I'd really want to blab about to my friends but would also reconsider because it's not as exciting as my feelings seem to indicate. 

But it's still exciting for me, so I'm just going to be happy in that. Really, it's also completely lovely just to reread all these old things and to realize how well I remember them. Right now I'm gong through a nearly average-sized notebook which I began using in early 2007 as a diary, though I ended using it as my writing notebook later and carried it around in my purse. And it gives the journal this really lovely, worn texture and appearance. Just look.

(please ignore that these pictures are mirrored; that is not the point)

Mon dieu, I love it. Reading it is just hilarious, though, because I wrote about the most asinine subjects as if they were the most important things in the world, and with such a sense of duty. I attempted to record so many irrelevant different things every single day—most commonly the weather and just what I did in the few video games I frequented back then. It's really intriguing, though. This was from my 'naive phase' where I didn't see people for who they were but rather for what we did together; I was friends with people and liked them because I hung out with them a lot and because we did fun things together, rather than liking them because of what gorgeous people they were or because of how much they meant to me. They didn't mean much to me. I left that phase in early 2010. 

But it's just, such a lovely log of an earlier time. I'd like to get back into daily journaling because in five yeras, granted there's no apocalypse, I'm sure I'd really love to be able to easily revisit this time period. 

Also, I had an ant farm. I'd forgotten all about this. I made it out of a little clear, rectangular container and a bunch of sand, and essentially I just captured ants and dumped them in, and then I went outside every day to see what the tunnels were like. It was fantastic. Omg. I mean, it probably wasn't all that exciting to me back then, or maybe it was, but I'm just really really delighted to know about this.

I think the other intriguing part about this journal so far has been the general lack of emotional conflict. The private journaling I do now is mostly spurred on by me being angry or sad over something, so when I go back and reread all this, I won't hear about how much time I spent on Tumblr or how much I loved MelloxMatt or how much I felt I was improving in writing and Japanese or how frustrating all this dental shit makes playing the trumpet or talking. Instead I'll read about how I finally decided to stop being frustrated with a particular friend of mine and just move on or about how pissed I was by so and so doing such and such, and I suppose it's not bad because I'd rather have records of anything at all than not, but it'd probably a lot nicer if I communicated to my journals with the emotional distance I did in 2007. I don't really want to piss myself off in the future just by remembering past conflicts. XD 

But I want to write more, period. Thanks to being off the internet this week, I managed to read a lot and get a lot accomplished writing-wise, and I like having the time. I don't know how to deal with it, though. I can certainly make attempts to read and write more overall, but I'm not willing to swear off the internet permanently. Hum. Sorting out my priorities would be nice, though. Maybe this can help prompt me to spend less time playing apps on my iPod or diligently trying to read through my entire dashboard on Tumblr so I can spend time working more on Shikata ga Nai or Fragmented or on just writing.

Writing is beautiful. Writing is important. Writing is a fantastic and magnificent journey of the mind and with every word you write, a series of little lines take on great meaning and allow you to impress the contents of your mind upon others'. 

It's brilliancy, and that's about all I have to say.